


This shouldn't exist

by wewriteanyshit



Category: Horrible Histories
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-11-08 07:47:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17977259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wewriteanyshit/pseuds/wewriteanyshit
Summary: Well this probably shouldn't exist. It was mostly a dare, so I wrote a Bob Hale x shouty man fanfic for everyone who likes horrible histories. Yep. That's it. It's horrible, just like history.





	1. Chapter 1

I honestly can't believe that I spent half an hour of my life making this

 

Shouty Man sat on a bench in the trenches, considering life. It had been a while since he had actually talked (shouted) to anyone around him. He'd been forbidden from talking due to his inability to control his volume. He'd been following orders silently for months.  
Suddenly, beside him was a man he'd never seen before. The man had silky blond hair and seemed to be talking quietly into a microphone. Suddenly, the strange man turned to him. Shouty Man noticed that he had piercing blue eyes.  
"Hello there, I'm Bob, what do you think of the weather today?"  
Shouty Man was scared to speak, terrified that this enchanting man would judge him not by the volume of his character, but by the volume of his voice.  
Yet some part of him refused to say no to Bob.  
Shouty Man looked to the sky.  
"WELL, BOB, I THINK THAT TODAY LOOKS LIKE IT'S GOING TO BE A FINE DAY TODAY"  
If Bob was fazed, he hid it well.  
"Wrong, actually, because today it's going to rain and rain and rain and we'll all get sick and die."  
As he finished speaking, he turned away from shouty man and looked off to a point in the distance.  
"And that's all for today, back to you Sam at the studio."  
Shouty Man was let down. The way Bob had spoken to this Sam person... it made his heart ache unforgivably.  
No. Those kinds of things were illegal in this era. And anyway, he would move on to another advertisement soon.  
Suddenly, he was brought back to reality by Bob, who was staring at him curiously.  
He suddenly came closer, close enough to murmur in Shouty Man's ear.  
"WELL, I may be taking a chance here, but if we're all going to die, how's about we make the most of our last few days on this planet? Want to come in out of the rain?"  
Shouty Man nodded, and Bob led him to his private lodgings at the furthest trench from the front.  
It was small in the dugout and being in such a confined space with Bob was making Shouty Man sweat more than a proper man should.  
"LOOK," He said in his quietest voice, which still seemed unnaturally loud in the stillness of the dugout "THERE'S SOMETHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT ME, I'M..."  
He was cut off abruptly from the rest of his sentence.  
Bob had crossed the tiny room in a millisecond and had pressed his mouth firmly against his.  
Bob pulled away, and smirked.  
"You shouldn't go shouting secrets in a trench, my friend, you should be a little quieter about things like that"  
And so Shouty Man did try to be quiet.

The next day dawned, and Shouty Man awaited with dread the time it would come.  
He would have to say his final goodbye to Bob.  
He almost never visited the same place twice, and even if he had, he wouldn't be in contact with anyone who had known him this time round, to preserve the timeline.  
He sat on the same bench as before, and before long someone else was sat next to him. He knew it was Bob, no one else would come near.  
"Look," Bob began. Shouty Man saw remorse in his eyes, and decided to speak first to avoid the awkward silent void that occurred.  
"I'M SORRY, BUT I HAVE TO SAY GOODBYE." He said, thinking of all the times he'd had to tell people this. Never anyone like Bob, though.  
"IVE BEEN STATIONED FAR AWAY, AND I WON'T BE ABLE TO COME BACK."  
For the first time since they'd met the day before, Bob looked genuinely surprised.  
"I was just trying to think of how to tell you the same thing. I've been stationed back in England, and I won't be coming back to the trenches."  
Shouty Man was relieved. Not only would this make his move easier, but it would mean Bob was safe also, far away from the war.  
He would never forget him, though.  
They said their goodbyes, and as he walked away, Shouty Man felt as if he had lost someone dear to his heart. And he had.  
As both Bob and Shouty Man phased away, each to a separate area of space and time, neither were aware of the unique individual they had just encountered.  
And so they each continued with their lives, one reporting weather and the other advertising products, each hold in dear in their hearts the memory of their time together.  
But would their paths eventually collide again?


	2. This really shouldn't exist (It's part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What will they do next?

"HELLO, I'M A SHOUTY MAN, AND I'M HERE TO TELL YOU ABOUT THE BRAND-NEW SPONGE-ON-A-STICK!"  
Shouty Man was currently standing outside the Circus Maximus on chariot-racing day, among those trying to sell cakes, sausages and cups of wine to the huge Ancient Roman crowds passing by in an endless flow. Despite his desperate efforts to advertise his Sponge-On-A-Stick, the only thing his thoughts could return to was... Bob Hale. Ever since his departure from the mysterious, enticing man, he wanted nothing more than to return to England and be reunited with the person he was sure he loved. But the job hadn't allowed him to do so, and here he was, standing outside a chariot racing arena holding a slightly manky sponge. No one here would ever understand his shouting like Bob did.

Bob Hale strolled through the streets or Rome, having just finished a relaxing, sweaty soak at the public baths. He was looking forward to attending a day at the races as part of research for his new book, "The History of the Entire World, I Guess (By Bob)". Throwing himself into researching and planning for the book was enough to keep his mind distracted - most of the time. However, his thoughts would occasionally return to a specific day in the trenches of World War One, a day when he'd finally made a connection and a spark had flown between him and another handsome gentleman. But that spark had disappeared when he was stationed in another far-off place... Whenever he travelled, he always strained his ear for a shout about BRAND-NEW PRODUCTS, in vain.

After half an hour, Shouty Man entered the stadium to wander through the crowds, yelling about his revolutionary hygienic method, and eagerly looking forward to seeing the Blue Team thrash the Green Team. When people turned away in shock, taken aback by his volume, he sighed and sat down on the edge of an uncomfortable stone bench to watch the race.  
But then - somebody in the crowd waving a green flag and wearing a snazzy green toga caught his eye. For he minute he thought he must be mistaken, but he could never forget those piercing blue eyes and the swoop of blonde hair. It was the one and only, the man who made his heart beat fast, Bob Hale. He quickly got to his feet and started moving through the crowd, shouting out "SORRY, EXCUSE ME" as he tried not to stain anyone's tunic with his sponge. 

When Bob turned away from the racetrack to see an eager, wild-eyed face staring up at him, he swore that the stress of writing his book was getting to him and this was just a mad hallucination. But he blinked, and he was still there - why was the man wearing a toga and what on Earth was he doing at the Circus Maximus?  
"Hello," he began, shocked, "are you-"  
Panicked, Shouty Man resorted to his telemarketing script. "HI, I'M A SHOUTY MAN, AND-"  
"Yes, I know!" hissed Bob, glancing around at everyone else's shocked expressions. "Why are you here in Ancient Rome?"   
Shouty Man shuffled his feet awkwardly, and, finally seeming to realise how much he was disturbing everyone else around him, he grabbed Bob's wrist and dragged him away from the crowds. Bob didn't fight back.  
"I'M..." he stammered nervously, "I'M A SHOUTY MAN."  
"Yes, I know you're a Shouty Man, and I'm Bob Hale," Bob said in frustration. "And I am actually a time traveller, I present the News At When, you know, and just what are you doing here?"  
"I TRAVEL THROUGHOUT HISTORY TOO," he said as gently as he could manage, which was a sort of reassuring shout. "I GO TO ALL SORTS OF PLACES, AND I ADVERTISE PRODUCTS. RIGHT NOW I'VE GOT THIS BRAND NEW SPONGE-ON-A-STICK. YOU USE IT FOR WIPING YOUR -"  
"Yes, that's very state-of-the-art," said Bob kindly. "So, you're a salesman?"  
"THAT'S RIGHT," Shouty Man yelled proudly. "MAYBE I SHOULD WATCH NEWS AT WHEN MORE OFTEN."  
The two of them stood together awkwardly, for a couple of minutes, unsure of what to say next in this most unusual meeting.  
"I like your hair," Bob mumbled. "It looks very... nice."  
"THANK YOU. A TOGA SUITS YOU, YOU KNOW."  
"I like to think so. Erm, I don't suppose you've made many friends in Rome, have you?"  
"NO," Shouty Man replied sadly, avoiding Bob's intense gaze. "THEY TEND TO BE PUT OFF BY MY VOLUME."  
Bob moved to the side on order to stay on Shouty Man's line of sight and touched his arm gently in reassurance. "Don't look like that, I'm sure everyone loves you. We all have flaws, right?"  
Despite being gentle, Bob's touch sent tingles down Shouty Man's arms that left his heart fluttering.  
"I have a couple of contacts in Rome, you see, and I've been invited to a proper Roman dinner party. You know, peacock, rotten fish sauce, dormice, cake, everything you'd expect. There'll probably be some poetry recitals or dancing as well, I imagine."  
"SOUNDS LOVELY."  
"I can't think of anything better than bringing a... friend... with me," said Bob, almost shyly, and Shouty Man realised with a start that he was blushing.  
"ARE YOU SURE YOU'D LIKE MY COMPANY?" He asked.  
"Of course... we'd have a chance to talk about periods of history," he said with a dazzling smile.  
"Now," he said, setting off through the crowds with Shouty Man in tow. "I'm starving, what about you?"


End file.
